This Driving Sin Makes Me Want to Commit a Felony

There is something about me that is very, very terrible and happens when I’m driving.

It is the way I lose my shit when someone tailgates.

Every now and then, when I’m cruising down the road, minding my business, traveling the speed limit, some bonehead drives their car right on my a**, and I cannot complain enough about how much that bothers me, but that is not going to stop me from trying. Here it goes:

Do tailgaters think my car runs on peer pressure? Or that riding my bumper will make me drive faster? Or that laying on the horn 0.7 seconds after the light turns green is going to make me suddenly hit the gas?

Au contraire, Pierre! 

I don’t care if you want to get to Arby’s or the newest, greatest restaurant faster (where you’ll probably wait 45 minutes for a table); it’s not happening, so I hope you packed a few snacks because you and I are going to go the rest of the way traveling 25 mph. Maybe slower. Together.

Welcome to Petty Highway. Sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.