The Number One Thing You Eventually Learn About Getting Older

The number one thing you eventually learn about getting older—aside from how much creaky joints, gray hair, wrinkles, bad vision, hearing loss, and an expanding ass sucks—is this: Lying about your age is pointless.

There was a time in my mid-forties when I started (half jokingly) pretending to be younger by knocking a few years…okay, a decade…off my age. When asked, I always responded with “I’m 35…”

For a while, it was fun, and maybe a little bit funny, but at a certain point, I’m sure people started thinking things like Who is she kidding?! Does this delusional old woman really think I’m buying that 35 bullshit?  

Still, for the longest time, whenever someone asked me my age, I kept up the charade.

But recently, at 59, I decided to try something different. I started adding a few years to my age rather than subtracting. That way, people would think, "My gosh, she looks great for 65!"

Sometimes, though, that tactic backfires.

There’s always a risk when you jokingly tell someone you’re 65 but you’re actually 59. Because every now and then, they take you at your word, nod without hesitation, and you can tell they’re thinking, Yeah, that looks about right.