How Do You Mother Yourself? (When It Feels Like the Universe Is Making You You Its B*tch?)

I’m not going to lie, July was a tough month, brutal actually. Here we are over a week into August, and I’m still reeling. 

As part of the never-ending funfest that comes with being old, there were health challenges galore, an occasional unexpected financial challenge, and…well…pretty much every corner of our lives took a hit. It was a BUMMER.

But I am lucky to have an insightful therapist whom I chat with regularly. She derails my complaining, keeps me focused, calls out my crap, and hands out golden advice which I desperately needed because, oh my GOD, last month the universe made me her bitch.

During one particularly difficult bitch-session, she said, “Maybe you need to spend some energy mothering yourself.” 

Say what? 

“Think about it this way,” the super therapist said, “What would a good mother tell you?”

Suddenly, the answer was clear: “Get rest. Take better care of yourself. Reach out to your people. You are not alone, and you don’t have to do everything by yourself. This storm will pass.”

So I’ve been leaning into the idea of caring for myself in a motherly way. I’ve been putting myself to bed early, telling my inner critic to STFU, eating food that actually nourishes me (plus the occasional cookie, because I’m in no mood for sugar cravings), and playing music that feeds my soul. 

More importantly, I’ve also been celebrating my wins, regardless of how small. Like the other night, I slept all night. That alone is deserving of applause. 

What have I learned so far? I’ve become more clear-eyed about the value in letting yourself feel all the shitty things with no judgment and no fixing, and giving yourself space to be human. Most importantly, I’ve learned to believe in the future. Yes, there was a lot of sucky shitty bullshit in July, but that doesn’t mean that August, or any other month, will be just as shitty.

Moral of the story:  Be the mom you need, love yourself through the hard stuff, and don’t wait for things to get better before you start taking care of yourself.

PS - In a weak moment, I ate way too much queso dip from the 5-pound vat Bill dragged home from Costco. I have no doubt my insides are now permanently coated with a thick glaze of plastic cheese. The mother in me is horrified, shaking her head and muttering something about “better choices” while pouring me a cup of peppermint tea and reminding me to take a walk and Eat. More. Fruit.