Thanks, But I’m A Mess: Why Compliments Feel So Awkward After 50

I don’t know about you, but I handle compliments about as well as I speak Swahili, which is to say, not at all. In other words: I’m spectacularly bad at taking a compliment.

The other day, someone complimented my hair and I said, “Thanks, I washed it for a change.”

Another time, someone said, “You look great,” and my immediate response was, “I must be standing in flattering light. Don’t move!”

And then there was the time someone said, “Your eyes are such a pretty shade of green,” and I uncomfortably replied, in a slightly snotty tone, “OMG, they’re just eyes…” Jesus, I sounded like such a b*tch.

After every compliment, I make a point to insult myself like I’m undeserving of kind words. It’s cringe-inducing, even to me. Why can’t I just accept a nice comment like a normal human instead of turning it into a “you clearly have no idea what you’re talking about” debate?

Is it just me, or does anyone else feel personally attacked by praise? Well…not personally attacked…just…uncomfortable?

Why is it so hard to just say “thank you” and mean it? 

Part of it, I think, comes from that quiet undercurrent of insecurity that occasionally bubbles to the surface—usually when someone dares to say something kind. And part of it comes from being 60-ish and assuming that anyone younger than me (which at this point is almost everyone) couldn’t possibly find anything about me attractive or noteworthy unless they’re legally blind or overly polite.

Plus, compliments now feel suspicious like someone’s about to pitch me a timeshare or hand me an essential oils catalog.

Maybe it’s because I was raised to be modest and trained to reject compliments like they were invitations to hell. Or maybe it’s because once you hit midlife, your body starts doing unpredictable, squishy, saggy things, and you no longer recognize the person in the mirror, so any compliment feels invalid or like it must be meant for someone else.

Either way, I’m trying to get better. So the next time someone tells me I look nice, I’ll try not to deflect, panic, or rattle off my entire skincare routine (although this is a blog, and it’s my job to name-drop my moisturizer, so here is a new one I’m loving: InstaNatural Vitamin C Four Step Skin Care Set with Face Wash, Toner, Serum & Moisturizer.)

Instead, I'll try to say thank you without immediately pointing out that I’m so bloated the rubber band holding my shorts together is stretched to its limit.

But no promises.

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