These Three Words Can Change Someone’s Day
When I think back to my 30s, I remember two things: 1) I was tired all the time; and 2) Conversations were rushed updates about parenting, lack of sleep, and an idiot boss.
Back then, saying “How are you?” was pretty much code for My entire life is upended, and I have 90 seconds to chat before someone needs something, so just hit me with the highlights.
Once I crossed the 50-yard line and settled into the empty nest, I thought life would finally slow down and give me room to breathe. Instead, this chapter arrived with its own time-consuming, annoying brand of bullshit. Suddenly, I was on a wild ride of identity crises, frumpy fashion options, medical dismissals, and trying to figure out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. That is exactly why three simple words from a handful of genuine friends - the real ones, not the bitchy, fake-nice crowd - became my ultimate lifesaver.
How are you?
Hearing those words instantly transports me to a safe zone where I feel acknowledged, seen, and reminded that I still matter. On the days when life pulls out its biggest dick and beats me over the head with it, How are you? is a reminder that I didn’t have to navigate that nonsense completely on my own.
And so, I’ve been making a point to ask others how they’re doing and really listening to what they say, and I’ve learned a few things:
It’s A Reality Check (In A Good Way). One of the most horrid things older women over 50 face is feeling invisible. But when a friend looks right at you and asks how you're doing, it’s a swift reminder that you matter. Yes to that energy all day long!
It’s permission to stop pretending you're fine. Women spend decades as the default fixers, organizers, and peacekeepers, and by midlife, we’re bone-tired of the performance. When a real friend asks how you’re doing, drop the act. You have full permission to say the quiet part out loud—whether it’s the way your husband is being a massive pain in the ass - you know you'll get zero judgment and total support. Just make sure you're venting to a true sister, not someone known for quietly sharpening the tines of her gossip fork.
Nobody gets it like another woman who is living it. Your family loves you, but they don't always understand the reality of your day-to-day life the way a girlfriend does. When you open up to a real friend, the isolation evaporates. Sharing gives you a little bit of that shared dopamine feeling and helps you realize you aren't the only one navigating the heavy lift of aging parents, the frustration of a snoring spouse, or a body that is thinning and drying out in all the wrong places.
If you remember anything from this post, let it be this: We don't need to pretend everything is fine, hold back, or minimize ourselves to keep everyone else comfortable. This chapter of our lives is about authentic connection, deep belly laughs, and showing up for the women who show up for us.
Let’s chat in the comments: When was the last time a simple How are you? from a friend turned your day around? What's one thing you're focusing on for yourself right now? Drop a comment below!
Want To Read More?
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