Pennsylvania Weather Is Its Own Circle of Hell
We are back in Florida - after a brief detour in Charleston for me -and while I’m homesick for PA, it’s sure nice to be here weather-wise.
Pennsylvania weather is some of the most erratic bullsh*t you’ll ever experience, starting with a six-month-long stint of grey flat skies. The Florida sunshine makes such a big difference for me. I mean, NEWSFLASH - good weather feels good, no shit, right? It’s such a big lift!
Last week, right after we left Pittsburgh, it snowed, and we were eternally grateful to get out of there just in time. The problem with snow in Western Pennsylvania - besides the way it’s fluffy as talcum powder and makes a shitty snowman - is that it’s a hilly-ass state and our town had like, one plow.
Pretty much every winter of my life before Florida, we spent multiple weekends stuck inside with a warm blanket and hot chocolate, watching lots of movies. Sometimes I would cautiously venture out before I had a cabin-fever-related meltdown and a crawling desire not to spend one more second in our house with my family, who I love very much.
The frigid Pittsburgh temperatures force you to don your heavy fleecy Steeler hoody instead of your regular Steeler hoodie, and you’re almost out of your mind from the cold until the fourth of July, when (after a brief spring) winter finally ends, and the temperatures get hot. Africa-hot.
Sometimes, when you have to go out in the winter weather, you flee early to your dentist appointment panicking that you must drive down that hill, up the other hill and across the bridge before it’s over taken by powerful gale forces that will rip it off its moorings and slowly tip you and your car into the rolling waters - Titanic style- and dropping you and your four-wheel drive vehicle into a freezing cold, watery grave.
And then when spring finally arrives, with a few days of sunshine and temperatures over 50 degrees, you still think you might lose the last shreds of your sanity and go running naked down the street trying scream and bitch away the besh*tted motherf*cking cold-ass rain.
You know what I mean? If you’re from southwestern Pennsylvania, you know what I mean.
What to see in Pittsburgh, weather, craft show style? Here’s what we endured four consecutive weekends at four different shows in one October:
First Weekend in October
That’s Bill holding our canopy down, trying to keep the entire display from blowing away in the hurricane-like winds. We covered everything inside the booth with plastic to protect it from the rain pouring through the roof.
Second Weekend In October
Our favorite colonial festival! Sunny, no rain, and 70 degrees. The weather couldn’t have been more perfect that day.
Third Weekend In October
This was a horrid day. The high was about 32 degrees, it was windy, and it snowed off and on. It was so cold that one of us would man the booth while the other hid between the rows of booths in the back under a blanket, out of the wind. We switched off every 30 minutes.
When you do these shows, you’re not allowed to tear down your booth and leave unless the show sponsor announces they are shutting down. The sponsor of this show was a sadistic jacka**.
Last Weekend in October
There was zero snow the next weekend because IT WAS 90 DEGREES. A nasty rainstorm blew through the day before, and the entire event area was buried in mud. (What you can’t see are the 12,000 shoppers clomping around in that mud.)
Here I am trying to cool down in the only shady spot, which happened to be beside a stinky trash can. I’m wearing stupid-looking rubber boots because wet, muddy feet suck.
Want to read more about weird, crazy weather?
When You’re An Autumn Person Waiting For Summer To End
Products We Love
I bought this one year for my impossible-to-shop-for husband, and it turned out to be one of his favorite gifts.
Now, when he wakes up, everything he needs to know about the weather (I swear he was a meteorologist in a past life) is right there on his nightstand.
If you’re old like me, you remember those iconic bubble umbrellas from the ’70s—I was so excited when I got one for my kindergarten birthday from a grandma who always gave practical gifts. (Not appreciated then…totally get it now.)
I love this thermal phone case. It protects your phone from cold, drops, and water. It’s perfect for travel, sports, or everyday use if you live somewhere where winder feels like the tundra.