Christmas As An Adult: A Holiday Time Travel Wish

Sometimes, right after Halloween, when the holidays are barreling towards us at full speed, I get a lingering feeling of bah humbug. It creeps in quietly, simmers in the background, and makes me grouchy. (Admitting that out loud feels like a shameful confession since any lack of festive cheer, and even a hint of grinchiness, is the ultimate holiday sin.)

Don’t get me wrong, I love the holidays with all the parties, togetherness, good cheer, and delicious food. I soak up the kindness and the spirit of giving. But there is a small part of me that secretly resents the frenzy and the nonstop expectations. It’s like a little voice reminding me how heavenly it would be to escape to a remote mountain cabin with a fireplace, a stack of books, and zero holiday music.

The holidays are bittersweet for me. I miss the Christmases I had as a kid - the way the lights (I didn’t fuss over) sparkled, the smell of cookies (I didn’t bake), seeing a stack of presents (I didn’t buy or wrap) stacked under the tree. I especially miss the relatives who aren’t here anymore. That is so hard, full stop. The older I get, the more I feel those empty spaces and long for the Christmases that felt fuller, louder, and innocent.

Buuuuuutttt even with all that nostalgia, there’s a new joy showing up now - Christmas with the grandkids. Sharing Christmas with them reminds me of how my grandparents made the holidays special. There’s something healing about that full-circle moment, realizing that the things I miss from my childhood are being passed on, and I get to be part of creating those memories. It is a mixed gift of remembering what was while adjusting to what’s new, and I suppose a no-shit part of growing older.

I’ll admit that part of me selfishly wishes I could climb into a time machine and be that kid again. The holidays won’t ever be like they were, but the miracle of Christmas never disappears; it just shifts, and what a joyful thing it is to make new traditions and experience different energies. 

Even if I can’t go back, at least I get to sprinkle a little of that old enchantment into the lives of the little ones who are living their best Christmases right now. And isn’t that kind of wonderful?