What I Learned After Judging That One Annoying Person

One time, I was at a gathering, and there was a person I had never met, a friend of a friend, or something like that. 

This person was loud. They laughed at all the wrong times. They cracked unfunny, cringeworthy jokes like they were auditioning for an open mic night in someone’s basement. And they had a desperate need to be the center of attention. Individually, any one of those traits might’ve been manageable. But all together? It was like watching a one-person circus where the tent caught fire.

To be fair, they were polite. Kind, even. But they gave off an intense “trying to make people like me” energy, and it was too much. The kind of “too much” that makes you edge away slowly and pretend to get a phone call or need to retreat to the bathroom to fake pee.

My interaction with this person was polite. I smiled tightly, laughed in a way that I hoped didn’t sound fake, and counted down the minutes until I could escape that conversational train wreck. And then, a few days later, I learned something.

Someone casually mentioned that that particular person was going through something horrific. The kind of trauma that makes your stomach turn and your heart ache. I won’t get into the details because they’re not mine to share, but trust me — it was firmly in the “Are-you-freaking-kidding-me-how-are-they-even-standing?” category.

And suddenly I felt like the biggest jerk on planet Earth. Actually, like a jerk who’d won a Lifetime Achievement Award in Jerking.

I gave myself a stern mental talking-to: Be more patient. Be more curious. Stop assuming you know someone just because their personality exhausts you. And above all, stop being such a judgmental hag.

Because while I was rolling my eyes and plotting my escape, this person was standing there, smiling and trying — really trying — to show up and stay positive while their world was probably falling apart.

It reminded me of that old quote: Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Yeah. That. Except this time, that quote it didn’t just hit the mark — it smacked me hard.

And it made me realize something uncomfortable but necessary: Sometimes we wait until we hear a backstory to offer compassion, and sometimes we need to deem someone’s struggle “worthy enough” before we decide to be decent. But that’s not how empathy works. We shouldn’t need receipts before we offer grace. The backstory isn’t ours to demand — but the kindness is ours to give freely.

So, here I am. Old dog, meet new trick. My new mantra? Be curious, not judgmental. (Thanks, Ted Lasso.)

That means when someone rubs me the wrong way, I pause. When I start to feel judgmental, I take a breath. When someone’s energy feels like too much, I remind myself that maybe — just maybe — it’s coming from a place of pain, not obnoxiousness.

Will I nail that 100% of the time? Absolutely not. I’m still me, and adulting is HARD. But I’m trying.

And trying counts for something.