When I Was Younger, I Wish Someone Had Told Me To…
Appreciate my body. I thought I was fat in my 20s. And in my 30s, 40s, and 50s. As flawed as my body was then, it’s worse as I approach 60. Droopier, stretched out and mushy. Even my feet are bigger.
Buy a cool car. A tiny sports car or a convertible would have been awesome when I was younger. Now I drive a boring SUV because it’s safer and I can effortlessly haul shit to and from Goodwill.
Cherish sleep before menopause ruins it. Buy nice sheets. Roll around in them, spend a whole day in bed napping, and if you have time, practice sleeping in a sauna so you learn how to snooze when you're sweltering.
Enjoy food more. Indulge in a calorie-laden five-course meal. Savor your food. Chew it slowly. Devour a scrumptious dessert. Before you know it, you’ll be a few sizes larger and counting every calorie in a salad because your metabolism has slowed to a crawl.
Say “no” and move on. A three-paragraph explanation is not necessary.
Skip the underwire bra. It’s an overpriced torture device. No one needs that much discomfort to look perky. Besides, gravity is relentless. They're going to droop anyway.
Tell more people to f*ck off. It’s like a superpower nobody tells you about. Honestly, learning “fuck off” in high school would have been more beneficial than learning algebra.
Religiously slather on sunscreen. Or your thighs will resemble crepe paper by middle age. If SPF had been as trendy as baby oil back in the day, we all wouldn’t be researching “best firming lotion” every summer.
Cut off toxic “friends”. Life’s too short for energy vampires, drama queens, scorekeepers, or any of those sumbitches who make you roll your eyes daily. Keep the friends who make you laugh, and toss the rest.
Not follow the script. Life isn’t a checklist of milestones, and there’s no one “right” way to do anything. Do what feels right for you—even if it surprises everyone else.
What do you wish someone had told you?