Grief Is A Reminder To Be Kind And Let Go Of The Dumb Sh*t

Not to be morbid but our family recently lost someone we loved in a way that was expected but unexpected, and another is slipping away as I write this. That means I’ve been thinking about death lately, as one does when a death occurs or is near.

One of the shittiest things about getting older—especially once you’re past 50—is how loss becomes a more familiar guest. After each death in your circle, you become more aware how you’re moving up the ladder, edging closer to the top where, inevitably your place in line waits.

It’s a sobering reminder that life is short, fragile, and unpredictable. And it makes me realize—again—how much kindness matters, how holding grudges is a ridiculous waste of energy, and how worrying about stupid sh*t is…well, just plain stupid. Every single day is worth living fully, because none of us knows how many more we get.

We already know these truths, of course, the busyness of life makes it easy to forget. Then death barges in uninvited and shakes the ground beneath us and forcing us to stop and to reflect.

Death is sneaky and has a way of exposing people’s truths. It can expose kindness and strength or it can drag the ugly stuff right up to the surface.

On one hand, death brings out compassion. Friends show up with casseroles and hugs. Families rally together, swapping stories and finding a closeness that wasn’t always there before. Even the smallest gestures—like a neighbor watering your flowers—shine brightly in the heaviness of loss. In those moments, death reminds us how deeply connected we are, and how love can show up in the simplest way.

But on the flip side, loss can crack things wide open. Old family tensions bubble to the surface, and suddenly people are fighting over wills, funeral plans, or who gets Grandma’s teapot. Grief has a way of amplifying unhealed wounds, turning tiny resentments into wide, painful rifts. Sometimes those rifts mend with time, but other times, they leave scars that never quite heal.

Both sides are real, and both are human, because people stumble through grief in their own ways. What matters is recognizing that these reactions often come from pain, not malice.

If we can lead with grace—for ourselves and others—we may find more healing than division in the aftermath of loss.

In the end, death teaches us as much about life as it does about loss: that the “stuff” being fought over doesn’t matter, that love, kindness, and forgiveness will outlast the arguments, and that even in grief, there is a chance to grow closer rather than further apart.