A Very Honest Post About Gossip and Grace

When I wake up each morning, I feel incredibly lucky. Bill and I have a cozy home. Our family lives nearby, we have great friends, and we live in a community so beautiful that it honestly feels like paradise. Well, paradise, with a bit of a people-problem sprinkled in.

Which brings me to today’s very candid blog post about gossiping. I know I’ve touched on this topic before, but I’m going to beat that dead horse one more time.

Here’s the deal: Gossip hurts. And while yes, we’re human, and we all slip up from time to time (myself very much included), I’m here to say—try not to do it. Try hard. Because that one "harmless" comment about someone? It can stick, follow them forever, and shape how others see them, long after you've forgotten you even said it.

For most of my adult life, before we moved to Florida, I managed to stay off the gossip radar. Then we moved to our current community where, in the last few years, I’ve been roasted, skewered, and served with a side of exaggeration.

Sometimes I let it roll off my back. Other times it cuts deep. Especially when people who don’t even know me are handed some warped version of who I am before I get the chance to show them otherwise.

And I’ll own it: I’ve gossiped too. Give me a little vodka and a venting session, and I’ve said things that weren’t mine to share. It wasn’t okay. I knew better, but still did it. I’m human. Everyone else was doing it and blah blah blah. No excuses. 

However, I still consider myself an empathetic person—I feel other people’s pain—but even with the best intentions, I’ve said things that may have hurt someone. Why? For any of the reasons people gossip: to right a wrong, to bond, to feel seen, out of insecurity.  Sometimes all of the above, but that doesn’t make it right.

What I’ve gained from being on both sides of the gossip machine is clarity. I understand how much it hurts and how damaging even one small comment can be, so I’m working to be better. I’m trying to be more thoughtful, aware, and forgiving. I’m trying to remember that not every truth needs to be shared. And I tell myself regularly that not every wrong needs to be retold or righted.

Will I fail occasionally? Yes, but I’m trying.

So please—if you’re tempted to share or feel stuck in the gossip loop, step out of it. Try to compliment the person you were tempted to gossip about (It’s awkward at first, but oddly satisfying). Talk to a friend about something funny. Text yourself the details and then delete it. Eat pickles. Rank your favorite snacks out loud. Picture kittens in party hats, and focus on living your life and doing the things that bring you joy because the best revenge is truly a life well lived.

Do whatever it takes not to use your words as weapons. There is no strength or benefit in tearing others down to feel better about yourself.

And honestly, think about how much better the world would be if we all shut the hell up with the gossip and chose to send out positive vibes instead.