Chin Hairs, Hormones, and Hysteria

There are times when I’m truly alarmed by my aging, and even a little frightened. The other day, while in the pool, I noticed how crepey the skin on my arms and legs was. My limbs are pretty much one big crinkle, and my skin doesn’t plump anymore. It hangs there loose, wrinkled, and saggy. It’s disturbing. It feels like a loss. Hello? Did I not just slather myself with Crepe Erase?! Why is crepey-ness is still there?!

The other issue I’m fighting is a couple dozen god damn chin hairs. Chin hairs are like tiny, persistent weeds that refuse to be defeated. Sometimes when I’m driving in my car and look in the mirror, there are little white and black hairs that I swear to god weren’t there when I left the house.

What I’d like to know is why can’t they grow on the ends of my thin eyebrows? Or on that spot on the front of my head where my hair is so obviously thinning? Why must they gather  On. My. Chin??!! 

I pluck. I pluck again. OMG! I swear I tried!

Here’s a word of advice: If you see a woman over 50 with her chin in her hand, looking pensive, she is not deep in thought. She is trying to find that one chin hair that suddenly appeared out of nowhere and is strong enough to anchor a ship. So please, be kind. 

You have no idea how hard we are fighting a secret, lifelong battle with those pinchy little f*ckers and their weird life cycle of Not there. OMG, it’s HUGE! Pluck. Ahh, much better! Holy shit! There are three more! Repeat.