Gardening: My Unexpected Descent Into Old Lady Joy
If you follow my Facebook page, you may have seen a mention of the Grow Your Own Salsa kit I got for Christmas. That kit turned out to be a delightful surprise! I expected growing vegetables to be a challenge, but I didn’t think it would be rewarding as well. I suppose that is a sign of my advanced age, when life goals shift from “rocking a bikini body” to “successfully growing tomatoes.” But oh well, I’m finally embracing this getting-older stuff………..a little…………sometimes…………maybe……..
Anyway, I’m growing tomatoes, cilantro, and onions from the kit. The onions are boring. Out of the 12 seeds I planted and lovingly cared for, two grew, which is baffling when you consider how easily a stray onion you forgot about in the pantry sprouts with zero care, light, or water. What the heck, onions?!
The cilantro is doing well. I planted it in a bowl that belonged to my great-grandmother, which we never used for food, because I declared it “not food-safe,” since it was made a century ago of God knows what material that may poison us if it leaches into the food. And then yesterday, while I was watering the cilantro, it hit me that maybe we shouldn’t eat the cilantro that is growing in the potentially poisonous bowl. Guess who gets the dumbass award for that?
As for the tomatoes, is there a plant that is more of a high-maintenance drama queen? Because OMG! Too little water, and they’re hanging over the sides of their container, as if they are three seconds from death. Water them a little and BOING!! They’re standing straight as arrows, taunting me: See! We NEEDED water lady!!
Tomato plants, I’ve noticed, also like to show off and grow quickly. Mine have been replanted three times and are hopeful in their final home, but I’m not sure. What I am sure of is that to date, I have spent about $275 on gardening supplies just to keep them alive, which means there’s a very slim chance I won’t have to spend $3 buying a tomato at the store in the next month or two.
At least they’re still alive. It was touch-and-go last week when I forgot to water, and touch-and-go this week with the monsoon-ish weather we’ve been having. During a particularly heavy downpour, I, like any other senior citizen, stood at the window and thought, “The plants needed it” while also wondering how tomato plants that survived whatever killed the dinosaurs looked like they couldn’t make it through a rainy day. Hey tomato plants! I’m a great gardener, and you all need to buck up and try harder!
In true old-lady form, I’ve started talking to people about my garden, like that is the highlight of my day. I mentioned to someone that I’ve been thinking about starting a few zucchini plants, but as the words came out of my mouth, I realized I don’t have enough friends for that because, oh boy, those plants produce.
So anyway, after 3-1/2 months of love and care, a gagillion dollars in supplies, daily watering and tending, I am only a few weeks away from enjoying a few dollars' worth of vegetables from my garden. Like if we’re lucky, maybe it’ll produce enough to feed a hamster.
And what have I learned from all this? Gardening seems to be relaxing until you realize it’s dirty, buggy, and disappointing. And you feel like you’re terrible at it, and start believing nature hates you. But at some point you morph into a delusional fool, elbow deep in spring dirt, declaring, “I think this is my year for tomatoes!!”
Because…well…you love it.
A delightful salsa-growing gardening kit that I promise will bring you joy.