30 Years of Therapy Summarized In One Blog Post
People Will Help You, But Not Save You - Being helped means someone supports you while you make the decisions and do the work. Being saved implies someone swoops in, takes over, and fixes you and the problem. Being a functioning adult means realizing that you are responsible for the bullshit in your life - even the things that aren’t your fault.
Set Boundaries - Speaking of bullshit, if you want less of it, start by setting strong boundaries. Watch who respects them and who doesn’t. Anyone upset with your boundary is proving why it was needed in the first place. Strong boundaries make strong relationships. Weak boundaries make drama. Which do you prefer?
Accept That Some People Won’t Ever Change - The parent who was cold and distant won’t ever become loving. The passive-aggressive frenemy who always disliked you isn’t going to add you to the text thread. The Snitch Witch, who has been a dick to you 358 times, is going to be a dick to you the next time you see her, too. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior, and people will give you what they are, not what you deserve. Learn to live with it.
Your Brain is a Liar - It will tell you everything is falling apart when it’s not, or that a mistake has ruined your life when it hasn’t, or that everyone is laughing about you when they’re not even thinking about you. Learn to recognize the lies, and then tell your brain to shut the hell up.
Don’t Try To Convince Anyone To Like You - The right people don’t need to be convinced, so take a lifelong hiatus from bending over backwards to be liked and just spend time with the people who know you appreciate you. Speaking of those people…
Only A Few People In Your Life Will Matter - They’re the ones who make life meaningful and the ones whose kindness and energy throw off sparkles in the darkness. They stick around when life takes out its big d*ck and beats you over the head with it. Being with them is as soothing as cool water on a bad sunburn. When you find them, say yes to that energy all day long. Treat them like the blessing they are. Carve out time for them, hold them near, and be grateful.
PS - If you make a mistake, forgive, learn, and move on.